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UK social services steal children to engineer into TED Talks presenters

UK social services steal children to engineer into TED Talks presenters

A pregnant Italian lady recently had her baby extracted from her womb by the British government. For free! Become sedated pregnant, wake up ready for beach season. What a lucky lass she is. The official report by social service agents is that the child was removed from it’s mother because the state raises children better […]

Tech Focus: Name your internet Start-up a random almost-word

All companies are looking to make a big impression in their area of business. If that area of business is the internet, you’re going to make millions of dollars. You see how many websites are on this thing? It’s huge! So much profit to be made! But how do you stir up interest on the […]

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Apple unveils new iPad Frisbee

Since the death of Apple’s visionary leader (now “spirit animal”) Steve Jobs, the world has watched intently, wondering if the company’s new minds could equal such levels of innovation. The answer to that question has arrived. Toss technology to the wind! Last Monday, Apple announced the iPad Frisbee: the world’s first aerodynamic smart tablet phone […]

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Man stalked by sentient gym equipment

Todd Coefeld is a reasonably in-shape man; not a body builder or triathlete, but he can see his toes and pull a broad under the right circumstances. Enjoys a jog, handy with a lawnmower. This is why it is so curious that Mr. Coefeld seems to be the victim of an aggravated stalking campaign. By […]

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Motherboard activists call for Lady Gaga boycott

“That’s my sister, Anita. Right there.” A distraught Hewlett-Packard motherboard points to a portion of the chair and begins sobbing uncontrollably. It is the image of a nude Lady Gaga, sat atop a loveseat composed entirely of internal computer hardware. By motherboard rights activists, it has been dubbed “The Holocaust Throne.” “She is an inhumane […]

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David Cameron is afraid of his own penis

As they say in Senegal, “ah-sali un ko’koasalisi umk kokoa vas,” or “today is a beautiful day for shit rain.” This is of course a reference to the fact that water pollution causes the clouds to rain turd in that country. Senegal was kind enough to send some of their clouds over to this country […]

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Hubble Telescope discovers Fabergé egg planet!

Finally, a good use for that thing! The Hubble Telescope has found the fabled bejeweled planet Arpaethia, better known as the Fabergé egg of the galaxy. Arpaethia called this due to it’s shimmering diamond surface, stained glass raindrops, and the fact that it is owned by the Duchess of Comoros. Though the planet was officially […]

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Online Disclaimer Replaces Marriage

Just one click and you’re hitched! You can now get married online after clicking on the terms of service agreement which is three times as long as Macbeth! The disclaimer which covers everything from humping your mother-in-law’s dog (or even your mother-in-law herself) is believed to be the most comprehensive legal disclaimer for marriage ever […]

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Superman fucking sucks as a blogger

As you may very well know if you’re a balding man in the IT Department of a mid-sized corporation which produces spatulas, Superman quit his job last year. His primary occupation: informing the public as to how bad shit is at any given time. Indeed, Clark Kent resigned from his position as a print reporter […]

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Sony’s Playstation 4 to offer the same shit with more pixels

Sony rocked the video gaming world last week: it’s releasing yet another incarnation of the Playstation! AMAZING! Oh man, hard cocks galore with that piece of information! Yes it’s true, the new Playstation 4 is on the way. Gamers around the world have shifted to the edge of their seats in salacious anticipation. But what […]

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