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Haddock Newsflash – The Rhyming News Rundown!

Bernard Floater has refused to accept Alyson Stoner’s challenge to a hip-hop dance battle. He does not believe she’s improved much since her stint in Missy Elliot’s music videos, and as such, is not worth his time. Instead, he has elected to do…this.

Doctor Who is sent back to the 1970’s to collar celebrity sex offenders!

Doctor who is going back to the 70’s to kick some celebrity paedo ass! Yep, the BBC’s own swash buckling pseudo insane time-traveller is going to put right some serious wrongs and try to make us all feel a little better having been duped into believing that sexual predators are entertaining. Using his sonic screwdriver […]

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LGBT water fowl refuse to answer Duck Dynasty duck calls!

Quack this, cross-clutcher! Gay ducks everywhere are expressing outrage over the recent rant by Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson in an interview with GQ Magazine. In the interview, Phil claimed that “the bible expressly forbids gays in the executive suite jacuzzi of our heavenly father,” and that “homosexual sex is no different than finger-banging a donkey.” […]

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Der Spiegel has nothing to do with Cowboy Bebop protagonist

Spike ist nicht die Frage hier! Bad news, space cowboy: Germany’s leading news publication Der Spiegel is a paper covering current events, politics, societal issues and cultural trends. None of those things relate in any way to Spike Spiegel, the coolest character in the history of Japanese animation. The news certainly is shocking to anyone […]

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“Throw Celebrities to the Sharks!” to premiere on ABC

Times are tough for network television; advertising dollars are dwindling, viewership is at an all-time low, and cyborgs have taken over the late-night chat show syndicate. Such setbacks have made belts tight at all of the major networks. But ABC has the greatest solution by far! Throw Celebrities to the Sharks! “Essentially, we’ve combined ‘Shark […]

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Bill Nye remains tactful while facing CNN anchor’s stupidity

Bill Nye has, since the mid-90s, been known as the baddest bowtie-wearing motherfucker in the world of science. That’s why they call him “The Science Guy.” You want a judo chop of science to the right temple? You get The Science Guy. You want like, atoms? Bill Nye has got tons of them. Many people […]

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Bucky O’Hare is the illest shit ever

A group of obnoxious animation critics have determined that the early 90’s cartoon Bucky O’Hare and the Toad Wars is “the illest shit ever.” These critics were also NWA fans in middle school. Jeff Ziglan, co-founder of the Obnoxious Animation Critic’s Blog (oddly referred to as “OINGO” by followers) claims that the group reached consensus […]

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