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Kansas doctor looks to the bright side of Gunshot wounds

“Not all gunshot injuries are fatal. In fact, sometimes they’re down-right hilarious!” This is the position of Dr. Milton Wolf, a Kansas radiologist who is known as “the Patch Adams of firearm trauma.” Dr. Wolf is known for his playful approach to treating patients with bullet holes in them. “For instance, where you see an […]

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Katy Perry summons Cthulhu at Grammy Awards

Squidface Killah! Katy Perry’s performance of her song “Dark Horse” at last night’s Grammy Awards inadvertently summoned the otherworldly spectre of doom known as Cthulhu. The singer had been trying to get Satan himself, but could not secure his appearance due to union rules. Cthulhu entered through the venue’s ceiling, and cried out a sound […]

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Angry Birds begin bombardment of NSA HQ

Enough is enough, the Angry Birds have taken the fight back to the NSA. News that the NSA have been hacking into the program and collecting the personal data of various birds and gamers proved too much for the wingless Finnish stars. The NSA team was believed to be searching for information pertaining to a […]

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Meet the Orca that is standing by SeaWorld amidst Blackfish controversy

Everywhere you turn, people are attacking the SeaWorld theme parks for being animal-hating overlords in the cruel game of dolphin trafficking. The film Blackfish has exposed SeaWorld’s passionate hatred for the ocean and everything residing in it. But does everyone share this point of view? A killer whale called Leti begs to differ! “I think […]

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Legalising Marijuana is Nacho Genocide!

Nachos and other snacks protest about Marijuana legalisation! Nachos, the favoured snack of anyone who is smoking pot, consider themselves to be the victims in this story. Thousands of the innocent little triangular crisps are expected to have their lives foreshortened by plans to make the drug legal. “We feel that our members have been […]

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Shia Labeouf: The Crown Prince of Fuckboys

When thinking about entertainers who make the world a considerably worse place to raise children, most immediately go for the garden variety Snooki’s, Bieber’s and Boo Boo’s. However we at The Haddock believe there is a worse human curse plaguing society: the apex fuckboy, Shia Labeouf. From his fuckboy plagiarizing of actual creative people, to […]

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Chris Christie created Job title for the Dude who gets his Video Games!

The deep probings of New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s bridge burning scandal have uncovered several shocking revelations. Among them is that Christie eats while showering, but is that really a revelation? More shocking might be that he made up a taxpayer-funded job at the Port Authority for the guy who fetches his Playstation 4 games. […]

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‘Full House’ star says she’s ‘submissive’ to husband during ‘Greco-Roman wrestling’

Half-Nelson, Full Submission! Candace Cameron Bure has grown up since her time starring on the hit American sitcom Full House. Did you know that she writes books now? Did you know she married a Russian hockey player? Did you know that they wrestle for family dominance and apparently she lets him win? Here is an […]

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World comes to an end as Marijuana legalized in Colorado

World War Weed! Marijuana became legal for recreational use in Colorado yesterday, and as predicted, the entire world came to an end. I just saw a young child run down the street. He was on fire. Most major metropolitan areas have been ransacked. People everywhere have stomach aches and are being terribly nasty to one […]

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Did Chris Weidman replace Anderson Silva’s leg with a pool noodle at UFC 168?

UFC 168: Noodle-gate! Prior to the rematch between Chris Weidman and Anderson Silva at UFC 168, the fight was essentially being billed as Weidman v. Silva II: Silva’s Redemption. The highly-praised and respected former champion was to cut his signature showboating act, regain his title, and set the MMA universe back into proper alignment. Instead, […]

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