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Referendum on UKIP Splitting from the Civilised World

Referendum on UKIP Splitting from the Civilised World

Should UKIP be split from the entire planet? Once again the public are to be asked a big question that they probably don’t understand and have been fed months of misinformation about. It’s a big responsibility. This time it’s simple; UKIP in our out of the world? If the answer is a resounding YES then […]

Mid-Life Crisis Dad fails Grade One Piano Again

Give up, grade one is for kids you dick A thirty something dad from Rutland has failed piano grade one at the 8th time of asking. His mid-life crisis journey to failure began four years ago when he decided that he must achieve some of his dreams or resign himself to being a suburban nobody. […]

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China expels all Western Cartoon Characters starting with Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig is too happy for China. Peppa pig is the first high profile cartoon character to be arrested, questioned, charged with ‘spreading happiness’, and expelled from China. Peppa is said to be unhurt but but badly shaken by the experience and her little brother George has had his favourite dinosaur confiscated which has left […]

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Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem

You evil old cow! ‘Fuck you! You bastards’ said Millicent Frottage, a septuagenarian bag lady from Bedfordshire. This is the only thing she’s said since her arrest earlier this week and she’s said it to all sorts of people, including a bishop. ‘You evil old cow’ said police chief Bently Tibbert in response to her. […]

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Couple name their child after cake-eating beheaded French tyrant

They named their son after a pillock Louis, the traditional name of French kings, has been given the new son of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The last king with that name was Louis XVI who had his head cut off after his fat wife made cake jokes about some local angry types. In […]

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I kissed a dog, I liked it! 

Dog CPR Incident leads to long-term physical Relationship Controversy today as Brian Mellings of Oxford admitted entering into a long term physical relationship with his neighbour’s dog Miffy.  To give you some background, Brian is a vet who trains unmarried women and house husbands dog CPR, door-to-door, from the back of his car. Essentially he […]

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Woman Rapes Cat Sprayed with Lynx Deodorant

‘I just don’t know what came over me!’ is most likely what the cat would have said if cats could speak. Barry, a Persian cat from Hove is recovering in hospital today after being sexually assaulted by a woman. The woman, who will remain nameless, is helping police with their inquiries but is not expected to face […]

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Child bearing has a Diversity Problem

Babies. Nobody likes them, but they’re necessary. Though we’ve conquered many of our natural instincts, propagating our horrible species persists, and as such, people continue to pump out smaller people with tiny fingers and toes that don’t know how to talk and smell funny. But in this day and age, where equality is important for […]

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Political Correctness responsible for UKIP

Political Correctness has admitted today (stood outside his London home) that he is ultimately responsible for the rise of UKIP. UKIP (a collective celebrating the stuff that drunk people say but regret the next day) was born the night after a party thrown for Mr Correctness in a Chelsea Loft during the early 1990’s. ‘The […]

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Ann Summers ISIS lingerie a big hit in Iraq

Some people think that military force is the only way to stop terrorism. Others believe that, with enough frilly lace, you can do it with bras and panties. With the release of Ann Summers’ new line of ISIS lingerie, the company hoped it’s sexy-yet-mature designs would usher in an end to the tragic conflicts plaguing […]

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