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Rising Sea-Levels: A Solution?

Dr Jackson Collapsible-Pelican Goldsmith, a professor at the much venerated University of Sevenoaks has devised a plan to tackle the problem of rising sea levels as a result of global warming. His patented “Sea-Emptier” (pictured) will be tested this weekend in the Lake District. The plan is to install a number of these devices at […]

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A White (van) Christmas

A family from the midlands had their Christmas dinner disrupted when a two tonne Ford Transit fell out of a cracker. The Tibbet family, from Gary Lineker House in central Leicester, had to move all of their furniture out of their dining room in the third floor flat to enable them turn the vehicle 180 […]

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Ever Wondered What Thrush Tastes Like?

Well, if you have the wait is over! The latest addition to London’s endless list of culinary establishments and eateries has arrived. “Thrush My Darling”, located in fashionable Soho, has a menu exclusively devoted to one of Britain’s favorite birds. Such delicacies as thrush pie, thrush sausage, thrush sushi and thrushed pineapple await your taste […]

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Dolphins Achieve National Park Status

From January 1st 2011 all dolphins are to be designated National Parks. From that day on it will be illegal to build or alter property located on any dolphin, porpoise or small whale. Planning permission for a shopping centre located within a pod of pilot whales in the North Sea has already been revoked and […]

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Rogue Milk Float Causes Chaos in City of London

Reported sightings of a rogue milk float, bearing the epithet ‘Milk not Money’ multiplied across the City of London today, as workers streamed out of their offices in droves, shouting vigorous anti-capitalist slogans of the like not heard of since Gordon Brown visited the local Marxist Toddlers Playgroup in his erstwhile constituency last year. The […]

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The government have refuted claims that the new London Pigeon Rental Act is in fact a form of stealth tax. The policy, which will cost Londoners ten pence each for the pleasure of having pigeons in Trafalgar Square and other areas, was successfully passed through the House of Lords yesterday. Also included in the Bill […]

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Dandruff death?

Police today are investigating what is thought to be the first death by severe dandruff in history. Inspector Malcolm Dashboard of Devon & Cornwall police said in a press conference today: “The deceased, who’s family requests that he not be named due to cronic embarrassment, was found in the bathroom of his flat, and it […]

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