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Dignitas Clinic offers ‘Death by Mason Ramsey Yodelling’

Dignitas Clinic offers ‘Death by Mason Ramsey Yodelling’

Death by Yodelling just became a thing Executioners at the famous Dignitas assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland were so impressed by Mason Ramsey’s Yodelling that they are now proud to offer it as a way to die. Using rats, they discovered that prolonged exposure to Mason’s new single could drive even the most stable and […]

Lego Continent found floating in the Pacific.

Legonia Scientists have discovered an entire Lego continent floating in the middle of the pacific ocean. Believed to be about the size of Australia the Island christened ‘Legonia’ has miraculously escaped detection before now. Populated by lego men, women, children, Marvel Figures, Harry Potter characters and some seals, the giant plastic Island appears to be […]

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Organ donor card found in Wisconsin Mixed Grill

Diner gets Organ he bargained for! Milwaukee Wisconsin, 2am last Saturday, truck driver Sam Chenzek sits down to a plate of fried offal at Meg’s Diner. Halfway through a curiously large pigs kidney he bites down on something hard. Reaching inside his mouth he pulls out a charred but recognisable piece of an organ donor card […]

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Ten Reasons that Luke Skywalker is Better than Han Solo!

Ten Reasons that Luke is Better than Han! 1. He is a more plausible Gay icon! 2. He is a Jedi 3. His dad rocks 4. He kissed his own sister 5. He can bullseye a wop rat in his T-16    6. He looks good in brown    7. He can do this…    8. […]

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Laser Owl is NOT to blame for attacks on Dutch village!

Impostor! As we all know, Laser Owl is a hero. He shoots lasers from his eyes, and he can stop all bad things from happening. The stoic, graceful bird has saved Valentine’s Day from the Hallmark Corporation, defeated the TupperWarewolf, and even beat president Barack Obama in a spirited game of table tennis. He is […]

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Sentient Lego men make buildings from blocks of human flesh!

Lego people live in a world made of body parts! Ever wondered how it must feel for Lego people, living in a world made from the same stuff as their own body parts? They could, at any given moment, be pulled in half and dismembered, their head swapped for that of a snake…while their own dismembered head […]

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German rental Grannies not just for Children

With the price of mere existence rising exponentially, Senior Care has felt the strain of a tightened belt. What are the elderly to do with themselves and their many various skin discolorations? Germany has turned this problem into profit with the “Mehrgenerationenhaus” (or “House of Rentable Geriatrics”). For a sensible rate, Germany’s young go-getters who […]

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Oreo to buy every single Round Black object on the planet!

Taking the Biscuit! Do you own anything black and round that might in some tenuous way resemble an Oreo biscuit? Then you might be sitting on a fortune. Oreo are buying every single round, black object on the planet so that they can prevent anyone else who sells black round things using them in their commercials. […]

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Captured ISIS terrorists forced to learn Klingon

Trek is the new Waterboarding ISIS terrorists deserve the best, and when it comes to mental torture, few things beat 9 hours of Klingon lessons every day! Anyone from the organisation who is captured, or who tried to join the ‘Fuckit let’s just start a war because our lives are really dull’ organisation and didn’t […]

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America sectioned under the mental health act

USA is Certifiable The UN council unanimously voted to have America sectioned under the mental health act. As of tomorrow the entire country will be known as ‘That Mental bloke’ and treated with deep suspicion by other more sane countries. The Mexican delegation said that America was so mad that starving drug mules who live […]

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