Designer Zoo Zoo Pocket, has insisted his plan to use bamboo canes instead of models at this summer’s Milan Fashion Week is not a money saving exercise. When questioned by The Haddock he insisted that bean poles are the only way to truly demonstrate the beauty of his collection and that models are the wrong shape. When put task about the fact that clothes are traditionally worn by humans and not sticks, and with prices starting at £500o per garment not many sticks would be able to afford them, Mr Pocket was unphased.
“Clothes are designed to look beautiful, my clothes look best on bamboo sticks. If models make them look ugly, why would I use them? You wouldn’t sell an egg cup by placing a turd in it would you?” he said.
Granted, there is no doubt that a turd-filled egg would be a hard thing to sell, but at least there are some turds which will fit in an egg cup. Anybody possessing a physique comparable to that of a garden pole is most likely dead or the victim of a tragic accident involving an industrial press. Are these then the people for whom Zoo Zoo’s clothes have been made.
“If they hang right … why not put them on a compressed corpse?” barked the designer defencively. “The Egyptians lavished their dead with beautiful things, why can’t I?”
So, there you have it folks. Zoo Zoo Pocket, the first designer to make clothes exclusively for mutilated human carcasses. You heard it here first!