Cemetry-Detached Houses!

Residents of Southwark, desperate to prevent a green playing field being converted into a cemetery have agreed to allow graves to be dug in their own gardens.

“If  they want to keep the field, the bodies have to go somewhere … so they had to make a choice! ” said a local councillor smugly.

The first funeral was conducted yesterday in the garden of Beryl Service, a local pensioner. She was philosophical about having a body under her lawn.

“Well I’ll have to stop the dogs digging it up!” She said. “They’ve been sniffing around it excitedly, they do love a bone.”

Her neighbour Eve stropper was less impressed.

“I expect she’s already got a few under the patio, evil bitch,”  she growled. “Haven’t seen her husband twenty years past, but she’s doing alright isn’t she?”

Needless to say Mrs Service denied murdering her husband.

Over two thousand local people have signed up for the scheme, each granting access rights to the families so that they can come into their gardens to lay flowers and mourn. Relatives of the deceased are given some choice as to which garden their loved ones will be buried in, however there are ground rules about the nature of the headstone they choose.  One man has already been refused a mausoleum.

“We’re happy to have him buried in our garden, but an eight foot high replica of the Lincoln Memorial would mean we would be unable to use the trampoline!” Said Ian Terrid, father of three.