Centenarian Given Forty Years to Live by Hapless Locum

Reginald Macarthur - will live to 140

Reginald Macarthur – will live to 140

Reginald Mcarthur who is one hundred and five years old was informed yesterday by a drunken doctor that in his current state of health he had only forty years to live at most. This came as a great surprise to Mr Mcarthur who wakes up every morning surprised that he’s still alive.

“At my age everything is a surprise,” He said. “Even breathing in gives me  as start sometimes.”

The doctor in question, Darren Mellor, is believed to be a locum who had been assigned to Mr Mcarthur’s local Practice after a series of failed diagnosis at other clinics.

During his last assignment he wrongly diagnosed a pensioner of having withdrawel symptoms resulting from Crystal Meth abuse and in the job before that he sent a pregant woman to the radio therapy unit with suspected testicular cancer.

Despite his appalling record Dr Mellor stands by his conclusions about MrMcarthur adding that his estimate may even have been a little conservative.

The fact that no human being has ever lived past 122 years seems to have no bearing on his position.

Mr Mcarthur who for want of a better word is mad, is now not only old and incontinent, but he is also suffering from depression. “I can’t believe I’ve got another forty years of this crap,” he moaned. “If my testicles get any bigger I’ll need a third trouser leg sewn into every pair and my ear lobes are already so heavy that I need a neck brace!” 

Recently Mr Mcarthur tried to take his own life but the attempt was thwarted because he couldn’t manage the stairs.