CEO of Breast Implant firm Wanted for using Grapefruit

A pair of beautiesThe net is closing on Clinton Kerchanskie, CEO of ‘Budget Boobs’ a company being investigated over claims of medical malpractice.

Surgeons called in to remove a ruptured silicon implant installed by Budget Boobs were amazed to discover two partially decomposed grapefruits had been stuffed into the brace of  listless mamarries instead.

It turns out however that this pair of horrific discoveries is just the tip of the nip. Once the story broke a gaggle of horizontal hooter’d ladies have flung themselves under the knife and the truth has literally rolled out of the operating theater and into the corridors of power.

Whilst under anesthetic and dreaming of bullet-proof chicken fillets these trusting beauties found themselves invaded by any number of foreign substances. Tennis balls, Plasticine, light bulbs, shoulder pads and even a pair of freeze dried duck lungs have been found inside the hooters of former Budget Boob customers.

To say that Mr Kerchansikie was under-qualified to augment breasts is like saying that Ray Charles had no business working as an optician.

He has gone underground and has so far evaded detection. It is believed that he will stop at nothing to avoid arrest including performing surgery upon himself.

Police in Nevada are following up sightings of an intensely ugly old woman believed to have a shopping trolley sewn into her thorax.