After millions of pounds, several embarrassing headlines, three visits from the RAC and a lot of shouting in French, the problem with the Large Hadron Collider at Cern has finally been identified and solved. As you may know the facility was designed to keep a bunch of nerds happy by blowing enough cash to solve world poverty in search of something which exists for less than a nanosecond and serves no discernible purpose. It has been dogged by issues from day one despite the building being rammed to the gunnels with genius level egg heads. Not one of these planet-brained social retards had the wit to realise that in order to build this subterranean electric doughnut costs had to be saved somewhere. And so, in an effort to finish the project in time one of the temps was packed off to Robert Dyas, charged with purchasing a bag multi-plugs. Deciding to buy own-brand goods and blow the rest of the money on alco-pops his plan backfired spectacularly when the sub-standard devices blew up. It has taken the team at Cern two years to find this out because the same temp was also entrusted with purchasing the smoke alarms which he did without realising that batteries are not supplied. The man in question, Terry Pudding, has been given a bill for the damages although he is not expected to be able to pay it as a special extra wide cheque had to be used in order to accommodate all the zero’s in the amount box. Representatives from Robert Dyas have declined to comment, but the packaging on their plugs does clearly state that these devices should not be used in conjunction with power hungry devices such as washing machines, fairground rides or 22km long partical accelerators.