The deep probings of New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s bridge burning scandal have uncovered several shocking revelations. Among them is that Christie eats while showering, but is that really a revelation? More shocking might be that he made up a taxpayer-funded job at the Port Authority for the guy who fetches his Playstation 4 games.
David Wildstein went to the same high school as Christie, but the two didn’t hang out because Wildstein was afraid of the sun. He once lost a bet and got a tattoo on his foot, which has since been removed. It was of a turtle.
Later in life, Wildstein started hanging out with Chris Christie, when the two found they both liked arcade games and all sorts of pies. Once elected, Christie created the Director of Electronic Aquisitions in 2010 at the New Jersey port authority and gave it to his pal, and they lived happily ever after until Christie decided to burn down the George Washington bridge. What a cunt.
Christie denies that the two are well acquainted, but this is going to prove tricky as there are hours of footage from Christie’s attempt at beating the Frogger world record with Wildstein cheering him on and holding the Gatorade bottle for when Christie has to piss.