Christian Bale to Star in “The Fat Bastard”

World famous shrinking actor Christian Bale, fresh from his recent appearance in “Mental Floss” where he plays a piece of string that becomes a superhero, is to tackle his most challenging role yet as an obese man in the film version of Vern Schmuck’s seminal novel ‘The Fat Bastard”. It’s the story of a man who falls down a gully during a climbing accident, only to find that he has landed next to a pizza lorry that suffered the same fate. In order to free his left hand from a rock where it has become wedged, he needs to eat a lot of pizza causing it to grow and smash the rock. His subsequent escape leads to a lifelong addiction to pizza, the snack which saved, but ultimately took his life.

Bale is said to be very excited about the role and has turned down offers of CGI and prosthetic enhancement, instead choosing to eat nothing but ice cream, pies and junk food for a year in preparation. What a guy!