Christmas Campaign to Occupy Walnuts!

Occupy Walnuts

Having been evicted from Zuccotti Park the ‘Occupiers’ have hit upon a new and even more cunning way to strike at the heart of Corporate America.

Some of the more diminutive members of the group will smuggle themselves into the houses of fat cats, billionaires and bankers by squeezing inside carefully hollowed out walnuts (a popular Christmas treat).

Thus disguised they will find themselves in the heart of the Dragon’s Den able to cause maximum irritation.

Once inside the walnut they will be equipped with a brand new iPhone 5’s on which to tweet their progress, lots of snugly clothes from Gap, some iced coffee from Starbucks and lots of extremely expensive camping equipment.

It is not exactly clear what will happen next as there is only so much damage a walnut can do, however the group believe that just being there is important enough.

Reporters from The Haddock asked what would happen if the nut was selected to be ‘cracked’ and eaten.

“Oh, then they’ll be martyrs to the cause!” said a spokesman who had conspicuously not volunteered for the mission.

It seems the only stumbling block is that walnuts are about the same size as a cat’s brain and that’s smaller than any human being on record.

There is some talk of using dried whale scrotums which, when properly treated, do actually bear a striking resemblance to walnuts except for the fact that were you to use one as the centerpiece for your Christmas table there would be little room left for the turkey, or in fact the guests. And that’s before you consider the smell.

Good luck though, great plan! We’re sure it will be just as effective at stopping rich bankers getting richer as the Zuccotti Park sit in was!