CIA readies super-secret piñata drop over Boston!

The Massachusetts town of Quincy (part of metropolitan Boston) has been frightened and confused by a mystery aircraft which has been sighted in the night sky on numerous occasions over the last few weeks. Babies have been crying, old women have been crying, gas station workers have been crying while selling lotto tickets. It’s like Justin Timberlake performed “Cry Me A River” in the heart of town and the entire community said “that’s not a half bad idea…maybe we can even get an unidentified aircraft to scare the shit out of us!”

Indeed, The Federal Aviation Administration has even kept the Mayor of Quincy in the dark over the mysterious flying machine. “They told me it was a flying vacuum cleaner,” claims Mayor Tom Koch. “But the flying vacuum cleaner tests were conducted late last year, so that can’t be right…”

But fear not residents of Quincy! It turns out that the hubbub in the skies is merely the precursor to a wonderful CIA community-building exercise: Operation Dumbo Pinata Drop!

You down with OPD? Yeah you know B(oston)!

An anonymous CIA insider shed light the operation: “Remember that scene in the Shaquille O’Neal classic Kazaam where the kid wishes for candy to rain down from the heavens? Well you’re welcome Boston!”

He continues: “The candy will be held within strategically-deployed piñatas. The piñatas will be exploding overhead, so that might be a little concerning to some, but when they see the candy falling, everyone will be overjoyed. Right?”

When pressed about security risks and the right of Quincy residents to not be harassed through the night, the CIA insider merely shrugged and asked “What are the concerned about? We’re springing for the good stuff! Hershy’s and Nestle products, baby!”

Operation Piñata Drop was slated to coincide with Cinco de Mayo earlier this month; another shining example of government efficiency. For more on this story, click here.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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