CNN refuse to print any more Good News!

CNNGood News must CNN-End

If we are to believe that the newspaper industry is dying then it must also to be true that the sensationalist bastards who run most of it will do anything to keep it alive and CNN is no exception.

‘It just doesn’t sell papers’ said one insider. ‘Nobody gives a shit about nice stories anymore, if they need kittens and babies they go to Youtube, we’re sticking with the hard stuff!’

One only has to go to CNN.COM’s front page to see what they mean. To say they’re Dining out on MH370 and the Korean ferry disaster is like saying that Walmart also sells to rednecks!

There’s analysis of the analysis, in depth theories about death and destruction and horror and more horror and squeezing out every drop of misery and fear and scandalous mayhem in every story.

You can’t blame them of course, that’s what we want right?

Good News does actually happen

It does, the problem here is that unless it’s good news that effects us individually such as ‘today is blow job day’ or ‘there’s lots more bad news to enjoy on CNN today’ we’re not interested!

So, CNN have taken their base brand of journalism right down to the bottom of the barrel where most of us Neanderthals are waiting eagerly for it.

Will other papers only print bad news?

Absolutely…starting with Haddock News! BREAKING NEWS: Less sex for men, goat fire in Crete and all beer has piss in it!