Coca Cola to sue Polar Bear who claims Santa ‘touched’ him as a cub!

SantaCoca Cola, who rely upon Santa to sell their drink at a time of year when nobody wants a cold drink, are assembling a crack legal team to refute claims that Santa abused pre-consensual polar bears in the 1970’s!

The North pole has been rocked by the story which broke last night when the bear who will remain nameless (because wild animals don’t have names) made the allegations.

He claims that Father Christmas ‘gave him some digits’ in return for food when he was only two years old.

The fact that a two-year old Polar Bear is big enough to peel Hulk Hogan like a banana is bye the bye.

Coke’s lawyers, who drive around in cars made from truffles and rare elements, have dismissed the story as a scurrilous attempt to undermine the character of a man who does so much for retailers…oh yeah and kids and all that stuff.

There are suggestions that the bear has been paid off by Pepsi to defame Father Christmas but this would be pointless as nobody wants to drink that shit at Christmas either.

The hearing is on Tuesday…and the defence has promised to produce a surprise bear witness!

Posted by on December 1, 2013. Filed under Haddock Culture, Haddock US. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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