Cockerels, Snails and Croissants Banned from Britain

Cameron says “Get Your Cocks Out!”

sarkozy

A furious and stroppy David Cameron phoned the Ministry of Agriculture last night and swore for half an hour, he then signed off by demanding that all cockerels in the UK be forcibly removed from their places of residence and deported.

Snails were also condemned to the same fate and are being rounded up by army men carrying specially modified Dyson vacuum cleaners.

Finally a cull of croissants has begun, pain au raisan and pain au chocolat have also been subject to beatings and waterboard torture.

George Osbourne also got a roasting and was this morning spotted buying effigies of Mr Sarkozy and Angela Merkel as well. He also bought a baguette but on returning to Conservative central office was asked to resign or loose the bread.

The loaf flew out of a fourth floor window moments later.

President Sarkozy has retaliated to
these actions by wiping his backside with slices of rare roast beef whilst blowing his nose in a union jack.

Mrs Merkel has responded in a more mature fashion by saying this is all very silly, we caught up with her in a suburb of Brussels where she had allegedly been spraying the words  AUF WIEDERSHEN BLIGHTY, on the back of a BP Lorry.