Compulsory National Service For FAT PEOPLE!

David Cameron announced that in order to combat obesity and reduce future strains on the NHS, people with a Body Mass Index more than two points over the recommended level will be required to take regular exercise classes, provided free under the NHS.

Nick Clegg said the cost of exercise classes would be considerably less than the amount of savings realised by the NHS. GP’s will be able to offer prescriptions for circuit training, spinning classes, judo and a whole range of different activities. Pre-payment prescription cards will also be accepted as a proof of gym membership in many areas.

Seriously overweight people will be required to undertake national service in the army. The Prime Minister said ‘A short stint in the armed forces never did people like me any harm – because I never was in the army’.

Those with serious obesity issues will be made to appear in the television programme Non- Celebrity Wipeout, where contestants traverse of course of obstacles, over an expanse of water.

Health Minister, Andrew Lansley said ‘Income raised from TV rights will help to fund these measures as part of a public-private sector partnership.

Ed Miliband surprised the government by wholeheartedly supporting the proposals. He said ‘Half the members of the House will need to attend exercise classes and most of the Front Bench
will be appearing on Saturday night television when this legislation goes ahead. That means that Labour can then command a majority and overthrow the Con-Dems’.

Ken Clarke, the Lord Chancellor was unavailable for comment but a sighting of him was reported in the bun shop opposite the House of Commons.