Crude Snobs

Environmentalists were out in force yesterday in a desperate bid to save one of Britain’s last remaining colonies of 1970s working-class snobs from a devastating oil slick that followed from the rupturing of a Russian tanker. The disaster took place off the coast of the Scottish island of McGadklingertglejsnejiocodpens when the SS Cheekygirl ran aground off a rock, rupturing the stern and sending over half a million gallons of the sticky black stuff into the ocean, where it risked being washed up on the shore. Said naturalist and scientist Professor Bino Beardywierdo who is leading the rescue attempt; “This could not have come at a worse time. Everybody knows late winter is the snob’s prime gossiping season when they meet on the beach to  discuss the state of one another’s drapes and the quality of the tablecloths they always bring out whenever the vicar comes over for a cup of
char. Were the slick to hit home there is little doubt a few of the snobs would become covered in oil and the introduction into the vicinity of any individuals who were ‘as black as the ace of spades’ would inevitibly cause a great deal of baseless moral panic and alarm.â€