The last remaining restaurant still using Dachshunds to heat face towels has finally been forced to close. Dachshund towel rails were outlawed in most of the civilised world last year but small pockets of resistance still held out using legal loopholes to get around the legislation. The Dachshund army, lead by my Mrs Tabatha Twogglepipe of Leeds, stormed into the Bengal Herring at 7am this morning armed with a warrant, several boxes of dog biscuits, some long thin dog baskets and a tranquiliser gun. Once the restaurant staff had been tranquilsed the dogs were boxed up and taken away. The owner of the Restaurant Monsieur Le Gareth, was unavailable for comment and will remain so until the drugs wear off.