Daffodils given Rape Alarms!

Daffodils are to be fitted with rape alarms to prevent children picking them. This follows a story in Poole (Dorset) where children were stalked by police and then threatened with Prison for picking the yellow flowers.  Tonight there will be an amnesty whereby locals can bring any stolen daffodils to their local police station without fear of reprisal. But from tomorrow all bets are off. Every Daffodil in Britain is to be fitted with an alarm and some parks are to be mined with high explosives. Barbed wire, dogs and security guards will also be employed in certain areas.