Government officials are doing all they can tonight to downplay rumours that Prime Minister David Cameron is taking instructions
from an electric robot python called Zerk! It has been suggested furthermore this this mechanical serpent has, in fact, been controlling every Prime Minister since Winston Churchill who may actually have ordered its construction as a safeguard to keep his successors in line. The snake, weighing in at seven stone may be powered by a nuclear reactor situated in the cellar of number ten Downing Street. Zerk is essentially right wing and is believed to be largely responsible for the Labour Party’s capitulation and drift into the centre ground of politics. Why it is called Zerk and why people are so easily swayed by it are not known, however it does mix a mean bloody Mary, have excellent taste in music and knows a lot of non offensive jokes which are nonetheless funny. Essentially it’s the perfect host for any party be it Labour, Conservative or Coalition.
Suggestions that the Presitent of the United States is actually just a puppet to an electric martini drinking chicken named Blake have been laughed off … albeit nervously.