David Cameron is afraid of his own penis

Cameron and Alicia (not pictured)

Cameron and Alicia (not pictured)

As they say in Senegal, “ah-sali un ko’koasalisi umk kokoa vas,” or “today is a beautiful day for shit rain.” This is of course a reference to the fact that water pollution causes the clouds to rain turd in that country.

Senegal was kind enough to send some of their clouds over to this country as a gesture of good will following Prime Minister David Cameron’s decision to further censor pornography on the internet due to the fact that he’s deathly afraid of the genitalia rumored to be dangling between his legs.

David’s disastrous dongle delirium!

“It’s a known fact that Alicia terrifies him,” claims an unnamed insider. Alicia is apparently the name the Prime Minister has chosen to give his manhood. The psychological significance of giving your Johnson a woman’s name is not yet known. Perhaps he thinks it’s a boat.

“He’ll be in the washroom for hours barely able to work up the courage to unzip his fly,” the anonymous source continues. “I’ve heard stories from other staffers that during his campaign he could be heard late at night reciting poetry to himself. In crotchless panties. Sex is like Vietnam for Mr. Cameron.”

No golden parachute for golden showers!

And, cock unsure as he is, the Prime Minister stroked his pen, and passed new intrusive measures to make sure you never see tits, ass, fannies, blowjobs, rimjobs, rusty trombones, big black cocks, big Hispanic cocks, impressive-within-reason-sized white cocks, foot fetishism, balloon fetishism, docking, dogging, de-greasing, creampies, chin omelets, orgies, lesbian orgies, Panamanian orgies, liposuction, hugging, or jogging ever again.

“I’m proud to protect my country from their own inherent perversions, none of which I share,” claimed Mr. Cameron during a press conference while holding a six-year-old orphan in his arms.

For more on this story, click here.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

More Posts