David Cameron to Irrigate Britain with Immigrants

A Giant Irrigation Machine like this might help?

A dyslexic civil servant responsible for Drafting David Cameron’s new Immigration policy has in fact mixed it up with the Ministry for Agriculture’s new Irrigation policy.

The resulting document makes a number of radical suggestions including spraying crops in Norfolk with Bulgarian children, piping Algerians to Somerset Vineyards and filling a reservoir near Aberystwyth with Polish seasonal fruit pickers. 

Due to recent cuts in government costs the bill will have to go ahead as written. The BNP and UKIP are said to be pleasantly surprised by the proposals which were already listed in their respective manifestos.

The Labour party have been quick to  pounce. Opposition leader Mr Milliband suggested that once again the coalition government were cutting corners and the resultant policies would be  ineffectual and will not the problem. However, later that day his party was shown to be guilty of exactly the same thing when it came to light that the shadow health secretary had confused the budgets for the NHS and the SNH (Senior Housing Properties) with a result that a number of pensioners were to be offered beds instead of houses.