Dead woman demands Right to Life

Less rights than Scorpions?

Brenda Mills of Norwich died last week. However, at a reading of her will yesterday it was announced that her last dying wish was the right to life!

There is no legal precedent for resurrection in this country. Whilst in most cases death is, well, final, this is not always true.

“It works with scorpions!” Said Dr. Ben Milfield of Oxford University’s genetic research wing!

Mrs. Mills was not a scorpion, but her lawyer argues that a society where scorpions have more rights than human beings is an unworkable model.

Therefore, the right to life has been granted, but not in the UK of course…after all it’s a messy business.

Thankfully, Hans Pfoezal,  a spiteful geneticist and long term anti-euthanasia campaigner has setup a clinic across the valley from Switzerland’s famous Dignitas Centre.

The new facility was designed with the soul purpose of reviving the patients that the Dignitas clinic assists.

Contorvercial…you betcha!

Mrs. Mills, who luckily expired before her passport, will travel out to the Lazarus Centre (for that is its name) on Friday for treatment.

Dr. Pfoezal is fairly cagey about the clandestine alchemy he performs but does admit that it ‘just might’ involve; taxidermy, massive electric shocks, raw liver, compressed air and scorpions.

After that it’s up to the make-up team to do their best with what’s left.

He is confident that Brenda will make a full recovery and be back on her feet in no time.

The fact that she was cremated on Saturday may have some bearing on this outcome but the clinic still say their quietly confident it will work.