Death of the Lilywhites!

Environmentalists have spoken of their concern after a shock report commissioned by DEFRA suggested that one of Britain ’s most iconic species’, the Lily Livered White Boy, will be extinct in the UK within the next ten years. The breed, characterised by its nasally call, thick black spectacles, stick-thin build and side parting is understood to have been falling in numbers for several years following the gradual erosion of its habitat by more aggressive breeds such as the Metrosexual, the Gym Freak, the Lardarse and the Common Chav. Co-author of the report Professor Bino Beardywierdo told The Haddock; “These findings come as a real shock given the speed of the decline. Several years ago, when the breed was in its element, pedigree specimens such as the late Charles Hawtrey and the chap out of the Mr Muscle adverts were commonplace throughout Britain, cycling along the pavements in their hoisted up trousers and bicycle clips, gamefully raising their fists against vastly superior opponents whilst wearing a string vest and getting their glasses all steamed up when kissed on the cheek by a pretty
girl. Even libraries, which would once have been a haven for this type, are now dominated by Guardian reading media trendies with their I-Phones and hemp crafted Oxfam shirts.â€