The remains of a huge skeleton, probably belonging to a Plesiosaur or similar creature has been found in some woods near Loch Ness in the Scottish Higlands.
The carcass, which appeared to be fresh, was broken up and scattered over a wide area which was also strewn with empty beer cans, Buckfast bottles, chips, sauce sachets, tunnocks tea-cakes and Barr’s limeade!
What flesh was left on the beast appeared to have been deep fried in batter.
Police are treating the animals death as highly suspicious.
A number of locals have been brought in for questioning regarding the find but none have admitted to anything.
“Somebody around here caught, killed and fried Nessy then proceeded to get royally pissed and eat her!” Announced the mayor of Fort Augustus, a small town at the South Western end of the Loch. “And that’s the tourist industry fooked by the way!”
One anonymous source told The Haddock that austerity measures had driven the poor people of the area to eat the beast and that, despite what it may look like, she tasted bloody gorgeous!
A team from New Scotland Yard together with experts from the National History Museum and Harry Ramsdens fish’n’chip restaurants are arriving on the scene tonight to investigate further but they are not expected to be able to revive the creature which has no torso.
Will the perpetrators ever be caught?
“Aye, we’ll catch em!” Said Inspector McInnes, the police chief heading up the investigation. “Somewhere around here there’s gonna be some turd with dinosaur in it and that’s where we’ll be concentrating our investigations!”
This news follows the discovery last Autumn that the Beast of Bodmin had been made into sausages for a village fete and that Chris Bonnington ate Yeti Testicles during his ascent of Everest!