Stock markets reacted badly yesterday following the news that German chancellor Angela Merkel had allegedly resorted to kneecapping her Greek counterpart George Papandreou in a row over the terms of the Eurozone bailout of his country.
According to well placed sources from within the Brussels hierarchy, Frau Merkel arrived early at an emergency summit called to discuss a possible Greek default on the eight billion euro bailout and sat in wait for Mr Papandreou before ambushing him with a baseball bat when he was alone in a multi-storey car park.
According to onlookers the German leader set upon the Greek prime minister when his back was turned, clubbing him to the floor whilst screaming; “Goddamit man I want my F&*king money, where the f&*k is my f&*king money man? I want that f&*king money right now!”
Papandreou began sobbing and cowering, repeating “I need a little more time! I’m sorry! We messed up big time, man!”
Before leaving the scene, Merkel reportedly lit a cigarette, puffed it once, then tossed it at Papandreou, who was still on the ground writhing in pain. Aggressive strategy, Mrs Chancellor!