Felixstowe container port in Suffolk, currently ranked as the 35th largest in the world, has been attacked by dinosaurs. Police attended the site in the early hours of the morning after reports of a disturbance involving gigantic prehistoric lizards. Initially believing the call to be a hoax they sent Bob Farley, Suffolk’s oldest policeman. Bob was eaten at 3.15am (according to his note book).
After Bob failed to report back to the station a group of squad cars were dispatched to the docks where ‘all hell’ broke loose. In all, seven cars were eaten or written off and various officers eaten. Two Alsatians, who fought bravely against a gang of Veloceraptors, were also eaten. Unsurprisingly, no dinosaurs were hurt.
Jimmy Six Toes (Haddock Suffolk) reported from the scene that the parts of the port had undergone serious damage. Port controller Brian Palmer had this to say on the subject: ‘Judging by the way they behaved, I’d say they’d been drinking.’ he said. ‘Fucking dinosaurs, everyone knows they can’t handle their booze!’ he added.
The people of Felixstowe seem to be unaware that dinosaurs, up until today, had been extinct for 65 million years and that it is somewhat unusual, therefore, for them to suddenly attack a bunch of ship workers. That being said there appears to be no other explanation for this behaviour and nobody in the area seems that alarmed.
The coast guard are on standby in case the dinosaurs strike again, but to be honest they’re fucked if they do!