From January 1st 2011 all dolphins are to be designated National Parks. From that day on it will be illegal to build or alter property located on any dolphin, porpoise or small whale. Planning permission for a shopping centre located within a pod of pilot whales in the North Sea has already been revoked and similar schemes including a chain of sushi restaurants and a new venue for the conservative party headquarters have also been shelved. Despite fears that this may provide yet more misery for the ailing real-estate industry the Department of the Environment insisted today that these measures, whilst extreme, are essential for the survival of one of our best loved animals. Now we can enjoy dolphins in an environmentally friendly and responsible way, using them for camping, outdoor sports and long invigorating walks instead.