Tired of getting no signal on the subway?
Well this will soon be a thing of the past as plans are afoot to turn the Earth’s Core into a gigantic mobile phone and wireless aerial, a move which will effectively bring an end to the days of poor mobile phone reception.
The core of Planet Earth is a huge ball of iron and as such is a great conductor of electricity.
New technology developed by Nasa allows us to transmit signals to and from the this boiling hellfire of molten magma.
And because it’s so big the signal is massively amplified.
Soon the anxious wives of miners will be able to call them on their mobiles and chat away happily whilst hubby is drilling at the coal face.
The relative tranquility of underground trains will now be shattered by mobile conversations and beeping texts.
So powerful is the signal that it is possible to receive a phonecall on the moon if your mobile can hold its charge long enough to get there.
Opponents to the scheme argue that such a powerful signal will slowly microwave everyone on Earth but this is difficult to prove, especially in leathery old tanned pensioners who already look as though they’ve been on holiday in a furnace.
Already the networks are fighting over ownership of the core, but Nasa, who came up with the idea are claiming that it belongs to them and the rent ain’t cheap.
Revenue from the sale of ‘Central Real Estate’ as it is being called, is expected to fund America’s beleaguered space program well into the next century!