England cricket captain Andrew Strauss has vowed to teach his team the rudiments of Gaelic Football as soon as they’ve been knocked out of the cricket world cup (something he’s expecting to happen fairly soon on current form). This announcement follows yesterday’s humiliating defeat at the hands of the Irish team.
“I didn’t even know they played the bloody game!” said Strauss incredulously. “When they said we were playing Ireland, I thought they meant Sri Lanka!”
The shame of this defeat has fostered this new desire to beat the Irish at their own game. The England team will be taking daily Guinness baths followed by six hours of ‘Riverdance’ and ‘Father Ted’. They will also be encouraged to speak very quickly, dye their hair orange and take a keen interest in horse racing. Finally there will be six months of intense training in the Irish sport. They will then challenge the Irish to a game. The Haddock pointed out to Mr Strauss that during a game of Gaelic Football there is a high chance of injury, a requirement for peak fitness and a lot of mud.
“I think we can handle that!” he said defiantly.
Oh yes, and they don’t have any recourse to take ‘Tea’ during the afternoon.
“What? But that’s barbaric!”
As a result of this realisation The Haddock now understands that he may reconsider his plans.