The entire Euro-debt has been stolen or lost, or perhaps thrown into a bin accidentally by Oliver Letwin. The Debt, which has barely been out of the news exists in all the countries of Europe at the same time so stealing it must have been the work of a master criminal. President Sarkozy of France was the first to speak up about it. Apparently he was embroiled in some acrimony with a masseuse who asked him for ID when the debt, which was in his jacket, mysteriously vanished. Moments later Silvio Berlusconi reported his country’s national debt, which he kept inside an aircraft carrier on account of its size, had gone missing along with his watch and his wallet which he had left outside the spray-tanning unit of a salon on the outskirts of Parma. Similar reports have been cropping up all over the continent causing consternation and surprise, particularly in the case of Greece who’s debt is so massive it can be seen by the Artimis Probes, both of which are currently orbiting the moon!
In order to replace the missing debt the European Parliament are advising an immediate increase in expenditure by the general public who are being encouraged to drop everything and run down to the shops immediately. Other than that, vigilance has been advised as it usually is in cases of theft despite the fact it’s a waste of time and nobody ever bothers unless there is a reward. The Greeks are being advised to pay taxes, a suggestion which has led to more riots, which has in turn led to more calls to the Greek branch of claims direct because people keep falling over on the poorly maintained roads.
Should you see the debt, do not approach it, it is liable to say anything in order to avoid recapture. It may well be in disguise as a re-sold mortgage or other attractive financial product. The best advice is to act as if it is not there and walk away whistling … a policy which has served most of Europe admirably for the last few years.