As you know, Belgium is the universal measurement for environmental disasters. Icebergs the SIZE OF BELGIUM have broken free from the Arctic, areas of the Amazonian Rainforest the SIZE OF BELGIUM are being destroyed each year etc. Well there are those in Europe who are tired of hearing about Belgium and seeing it all over the papers. The people of Wales for example are furious about it.
“Well it used to be us see!” Said Dai Dindewool, head of the campaign to re-instate Wales as the official measurement for environmental destruction. “Used to get endorsements and all sorts, always in the news we were … not now, bloody Belgium it is now boyo!”
Football and Tennis organisations are also livid.
“When was the last time you heard the phrase ‘An area the size of five football pitches was lost?’ … you don’t do you?” Said Gaynor Twohalves, a football promoter. “Back in the days when people measured environmental damage in football pitches and tennis courts we were the talk of the town … but now it just Belgium, Belgium BELGIUM!”
It is clear that there is a lot of anti-Belgian sentiment regarding this issue. The Belgians themselves are defiant though.
“It is what it is!” said Manni Kinpiss, a senior spokesman for the Belgian Government. “Are you suggesting that we have in some way influenced these disasters?”
Well, the answer to that question appears to be a resounding YES! European MP’s seem to have decided that the Belgian Government has some how conspired to create environmental disasters which exactly match its sovereign area. A pretty far-fetched idea you might think. However, already a line of civil servants from all the countries in Europe has formed along the Belgian Border encircling the state. Satelite images show that they have brought condiments, cutlery, napkins, crockery and tables. They’re eating Belgium!
“Ve going to shrink it!” Said Gunter zeehead a German Duke. “By ze time veev finished, an environmental disaster the size of Belgium would be no vorse zan a burned wienerschnitzel yah?”
Intrigued by this, the Haddock asked a number of these people what Belgium tasted like. The general consensus was that it tastes like chocolate.