Every Athlete on planet earth is doping

Finally, no more of this shit!

Finally, no more of this shit!

The International Sporting Alliance has announced that all sporting events will here-further be canceled due to the astonishing revelation that every athlete in every sport everywhere has been using performance enhancing drugs.

From their headquarters in the notoriously sportless nation of Switzerland, ISA chairman Ander Sluutervik briefed the press:

“After redefining the definition of doping, every athlete ever has been treated with some form of enhancement substance. They take aspirin. They drink Red Bull. They get full night’s sleeps. All of these are tools of bettering one’s performance in life, and as such on the field. As such, no more sports.”

Board game sales surge!

Yes, break out the Monopoly and spend some time with that family you regret forming.

Thinker St. James Posted by on August 5, 2013. Filed under Haddock Science, Haddock Sport, Haddock World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.