Crop Gear! Clarkson’s Baldness Cured?

The hole in the hair at the back of Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson’s head seems to be closing up, observers have reported. The hole, which was clearly visible during the last series of the popular motoring program, had prompted fears that an accumulation of hot air was depleting the protective layer in Clarkson”s stratosphere and exposing him to damaging media spotlight.

The hot air, or bombast as it is known, comprises a mixture of carbon monoxide, methane and carbon dioxide gases, and is made more volatile still by regular gusts of free radical opinion. However, there has been no discernible reduction of these emissions during the current series, suggesting that the recovery of the Clarkson hair-hole is down to other, unrelated factors yet to be determined.