Scientists deal with the big questions, and they don’t come much bigger than this: what is the proper slang term for a beaver’s vagina? For centuries this question has baffled some of the finest minds in the world.
Beaver’s, through no fault of their own, have become the poster boys and girls for female genitalia. How this happened is not exactly clear but there it is.
However, it is a little known fact that in order to reproduce, beavers, like many animals, have genitals of their own.
By law, all genitals must have a slang term associated with them for comedy value, and all others do except for the female beaver’s sexual apparatus. For example, an ant’s dick is known as a ‘Charlie’ and a sloth’s asshole is known as a ‘Steam Pot’.
In truth, little is known about the beaver vagina. More people have walked on the moon than shagged a beaver and even less have repeated the act. The average person is more likely to encounter a Higgs-Boson particle than a session of Beaver coitus.
Nonetheless this issue must be resolved or Beaver’s and those involved with their day-to-day existence will be forced to use scientific terms instead of comedy ones which would make their impossibly dull lives even more tedious.
A good, robust and unnecessarily offensive term is all that is needed to enrich the lives of these goofy, flat tailed, tree-felling pests.
At a recent symposium held in Geneva, a number of candidate phrases were put forward, the list is as follows: ‘Zumper’ ‘Romble Sandwich’ ‘Fire wink’ ‘leather button’ ‘Chopper’ and ‘Leonardo’s ear’.
Unable to agree on a term the delegates were left with no choice but to hold a global referendum.
You will get a form through the post in a month or two.