Facebook Discourages ‘Going Outside and Meeting Real People!’

Facebook Sociopaths

Facebook are pushing hard to stop people socialising in what they see as an old-fashioned and potentially hazardous manner ie.  physically meeting people in the real not virtual world

Quite apart from the potentially damaging effects it has on the use of their product they claim that interaction via Facebook is ultimately more rewarding than the real thing.

“If you make a comment in a bar or at a dinner party, people may really like it, but they won’t say it to your face for lots of reasons,” said Zorb Zuckerburg, a virtual robot PR guy who lives in one of the Facebook Uber-Servers. “But on Facebook they’ll like it, and everyone else they know will see that … it’s a much more demonstrative show of respect and loyalty unrivaled in the real world!”

Quite what a robot with no genitals who’s never sunk a beer with a tequila chaser knows about the real world is a matter for debate.

However it is true to say that as an ego massaging tool Facebook is hard to beat, but is that really why we meet people socially? Or is it the only reason for using Facebook?

The Facebookites (Inhabitants of the worlds 3rd largest country if you believe that Youtube montage thing) are keen to dispel suggestions that they are interfering with human nature. They just want to make it clear that having reduced billions of people to dribbling sociopaths who never get past putting on a pair of underpants and gorping at a laptop it is now their responsibility to lead the way in matters of the human condition.

Whether or not people follow this advice remains to be seen.

Facebook ‘help and advice’ forums suggest that if they do go outside they must first apply for a free Facebook T-shirt and wear it all times.

They must also advertise products that they think may be of interest to their friends even if this behavior causes their friends to become irritable and resort to violence.

Whatever happens you must not go and live your life in a normal way without advertising or a desperate desire for social gain … this behavior is counter evolotionary.

The Haddock has a thriving Facebook page which can be found HERE:


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