Facial Abuse: America Cannot Survive without Beards!

American Beard

American President Barack Obama has promised decisive action following a damning report by the CIA that Islamic fundamentalist terrorists remain far ahead of the US – in their ability to grow a long and flowing beard. Concern was first raised as early as January when suspected 9/11 planner Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was described by one high ranking Pentagon official as ‘looking like he’s stapled a goddamned sheep to his face.’

At a packed press conference in the Oval Office earlier today President Obama promised to get tough. “Once upon a time,