Several large news organisations have been recruiting flat people to use as wallpaper in the houses of celebrities.
Flat people, who are comparatively rare, make excellent journalists apparently.
Successful applicants will be glued to the walls of houses in London, New York and Venice Beach by men posing as pool cleaners and dog manicurists.
They will be equipped with a camera and an iPad and asked to report anything juicy that happens.
Currently there are no laws governing the use of flat people as bugs, and people under a certain width cannot be classified as burglars so it’s a win – win situation for the papers.
The union representing dwarf and circus-freak journalists are said to be up in arms as this move will doubtless lead to redundancies amongst their members.