Fred Phelps said to be picketing at the Gates of Heaven

Fred Phelps, the funeral-picketing visionary of anti-homosexual bigotry in America, has passed into the afterlife. Sadly for him, there seem to be a ton of gay people there. As such, Phelps has set himself up on a little tuft of clouds besides Heaven’s gates where he is screaming at people on the entrance queue and holding a sign that says “DIE GAYS…AGAIN!”

GOD: “How could I hate gay people? Freddie Mercury is my tennis partner!”

In a display of the Lord’s abundance tolerance, Phelps has been allowed to picket freely. People have began throwing quarters at his feet; it’s all very light-hearted for everyone except Phelps, who genuinely cannot believe just how many gay people are in Shangri-la.

Sadly for Phelps, the afterlife is an eternal Catch-22 as Hell also has a percentage of gay souls. And so, for the foreseeable future Phelps shall remain in death as he was in life: a vitriolic annoyance to good people, gay and straight alike.

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

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Bernard Floater Posted by on March 23, 2014. Filed under Haddock Obituary, Haddock Religion, Haddock US. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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