Fred Phelps said to be picketing at the Gates of Heaven

Fred Phelps, the funeral-picketing visionary of anti-homosexual bigotry in America, has passed into the afterlife. Sadly for him, there seem to be a ton of gay people there. As such, Phelps has set himself up on a little tuft of clouds besides Heaven’s gates where he is screaming at people on the entrance queue and holding a sign that says “DIE GAYS…AGAIN!”

GOD: “How could I hate gay people? Freddie Mercury is my tennis partner!”

In a display of the Lord’s abundance tolerance, Phelps has been allowed to picket freely. People have began throwing quarters at his feet; it’s all very light-hearted for everyone except Phelps, who genuinely cannot believe just how many gay people are in Shangri-la.

Sadly for Phelps, the afterlife is an eternal Catch-22 as Hell also has a percentage of gay souls. And so, for the foreseeable future Phelps shall remain in death as he was in life: a vitriolic annoyance to good people, gay and straight alike.

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

Keep it brief...my prostate is weeping! - Author Bio

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