Full Rhetoric-Jacket! Obama on Middle East Situation

US President Barack Obama has promised America will do ‘bugger all we can’ in a bid to help solve the problem of mounting violence and government suppression in the Middle East. In a statement broadcast live to the nation and on Al Jazeera TV Mr Obama assured those protesting for democracy in Bahrain and Libya that Congress had recently authorised an aid package of ‘fine rhetoric’ and ‘hot air’ which he hoped would help smooth things over until the respective armies of both nations quietly killed or imprisoned all those protesting without anybody pointing out that it was actually American tax dollars funding these repressive regimes in the first place. Meanwhile Britain and the European Union today gave the go ahead for aid in the form of several large helpings of ‘fudge’ and assured those living under authoritarianism everywhere that it would come down with a ‘sleight of hand’ against useful dictators across the world.