Nobody is more angry about the VAT increase than cats. They are literally hopping mad about it, and nobody is sure why. Brian Wolftrousers of Sevenoaks University is Britain’s only registered cat translator. “They’re being a bit tight lipped about it,” he told the Haddock. “I think it’s because VAT rhymes with cat, or perhaps it’s the increased price of cat food … who can say, but something’s got them really spooked!”
Cat Vigilante groups have taken matters into their own hands. In Stamford Hill, North London, several VAT inspectors have been found mutilated amidst paw prints and little flea collars with bells on. Name tags have been found discarded all over the city by cats wishing to hide their identities. Poppy, their leader (Pictured) was so utterly livid when we finally caught up with her that she literally tore our reporter limb from limb before bolting out through and open window and punching a dog!
Rumours are also abounding about a group of ants in Kent who are so annoyed about the rail fare increases that they have threatened to carry Orpington Station to the seaside and throw it in! You have been warned Mr Government naughty thingy man thingy!