The mystery surrounding crop circles may have been solved this week after a link was found between these strange phenomena and the use of George Foreman’s Lean Mean Grilling Machine. It seems that the mechanism within the grill causes a ‘Butterfly Effect’ in the Earth’s electromagnetic spangletwonk parabola resulting in a series of clobula vortexes forming above cornfields in Somerset and other parts of the English West Country. It is not known why the Foreman Grill is the only machine in the world to cause this effect, nor does this theory explain the fact that crop circles have been around even longer than George Foreman himself, but it definitely sounds interesting and is rather more fun than the suggestion that a bunch of sad farmers are doing it to get attention.
Dr Brian Wolftrousers of Sevenoaks University, the author of this research, has suggested that the forces unleashed by the grill are something to do with molecular balance in the universe.
“You can’t get something for nothing you see!” he said today. “You can’t expect your food to taste that good, and still lose weight without some sort of galactic pay off! The law of matter states that matter cannot be created or destroyed â€¦ so crop circles balance the equation. American people lose weight and resultant energy flattens corn in Somerset. It’s just common sense really!” He said smiling â€¦ and then passed out from an overdose.