Giant Tampons stop Flooding

A giant tampon will suck up this bastard flood!

Turn a Killer Flood into a Complete Pussy!

So you’ve bought that house by the river you always wanted…and now you can’t insure it because of the flood risk!

Millions of homes in the UK are in the same situation…some don’t even contain rich bastards!

A woman from Leeds may have stumbled upon the solution.

“The idea came to me during a particularly heavy period!” Says Sara Phelps. “I was fumbling around for a tampon and accidentally dropped three down the toilet…suddenly all the water was gone. And that’s when the penny (and the remaining towel) dropped!”

Sarah has setup a company making huge tampons the size of fire extinguishers.

The idea is that, when the floods come, you surround your house with a wall of these things and the water is absorbed instead of damaging your property!

“They’re jolly handy!” Said Bill from the local fire brigade. “Because they’ve got a string on the end you can tie em up to anything!”

The government have already taken a keen interest in this project and are considering ways to turn it into a weapon.

“It can suck up fuel, water supplies, even empty a soup kitchen! An army marches on it’s stomach you see! Meeeep!” Said Brigadier Pike-Jacobson from the Black Watch.

The Royal Engineers are also considering ways of bridging rivers with galaxy class tampons the size of oil tankers!

Meanwhile local councils are urging women who have recently passed through the menopause, or perhaps have dead relatives no longer in need of them, to to donate unwanted tampons to special collection centres in flood zones.