Fat people are meeting up and talking about power!
If there was an ice age, the fat people would rule the world because while they could sit there eating themsevles the rest of us would starve to death.
It is a curious fact of life that animals like the smell of shit.
It is also a curious fact of life that fat people are, in fact, the ultimate human beings.
If you took a strand of DNA into an interrogation room and electrocuted it’s balls, water-boarded the shit out of it and played a movie of its family standing under a grand piano suspended on a piece of dental floss…it would talk!
And what would it say?
‘I want to get fat, I want to eat fat, I want to eat sugar … make me obese!’
Yes it would, that’s why it’s easy to get fat and hard to get thin…because you’re up against Darwin!
That’s the same reason why healthy food tastes like shit!
Nut loaf eating vegan hippies can fuck right off if they beleive that our taste buds ‘accidentally’ developed a love for Pizza, chocolate and Pie cake (a cake with hidden pies in it…mmm).
And that’s why we have ‘The Girth Summit’, a place for evolution’s chosen few to meet and discuss the fate of the Earth.
Hitler was wrong about a lot of things, and not right about anything.
Hitler thought that the Arian race were the perfect human beings but he was so wrong!
Peter Paul Reubens was on the right track though, he liked a chubby girl under his brush.
So if you worry that you’re getting a bit portly, or that you simply cannot abide a life of celery, running machines and the friendless wasteland of becoming a fitness freak.
Eat you bastards!
That’s what you’re built to do!
Fat will protect you when all else fails!
-This story was brought to you by Food.inc –