God issues Customer Satisfaction Survey

Does God provide Customer Satisfaction?

Does God provide Customer Satisfaction?

God Value for Money?

Pope Benedict (PB) announced this week that during one of his recent conversations with God, the creator suggested an unusual action point.

The almighty suggested that PB should undertake a Customer Satisfaction Survey on his behalf in order to collect feedback about (among other subjects) the creation, death, faith and views on a second coming of Christ.

To that end the Pontiff has compiled a short questionnaire to be distributed not only to Christians but people of all faiths across the globe.

Apparently God is thrilled with the result and according to a spokesman for The Vatican he said that it would make a nice change to be asking the questions instead of being bombarded by them!

The Haddock’s Religious department have been given a sneak preview of the form and can exclusively reveal some of the things that God is keen to know about you.

However, as you will see, not all the questions are so much about the almighty’s performance, they are more like veiled threats.

Q7: What would be your eleventh commandment and why?

Q9: Would you be more likely to come to church if, in addition to bread and wine, some cheese slices were provided?

Q12: Why was the sequel to the Bible never published?

Q15: Would priests be more popular if they could turn water into wine and would you drink moderately during the service if they could?

Q17: If I tell you there are no other Gods would you believe me … oh go on, would I lie to you?

Q20: Are you still mad at me because I didn’t blow up Hitler with a lightening bolt?

Q21: Do you honestly think saying sorry for being a total shit all your life will get you into Heaven?

Q23. Would it surprise you to learn that I wax my legs?

Food for thought indeed.

The questionnaires will be distributed over the next few weeks with return postage paid.

There has been no official announcement about what will be done with the data but we do know the first ten thousand will  get choice of gifts including immunity from cancer, next weeks lottery numbers, two months of guilt free masturbation, a carriage clock or some luggage.