Following this week’s announcement that there could be as many as 17 billion exoplanets, many of them Earthlike, within our galaxy alone (that mean’s there’s a fuck sight more in the Universe) God has asked Pope Benedict XVI to read a short statement and ask questions on his behalf.
All answers given by the Pope will be the word of God (A conference phone will be in place on the desk if God himself, who cannot be present due to a scheduling conflict) has anything to add.
It is believed that the Creator, who relies heavily upon faith to avoid difficult questions, accepts that even his most devoted followers might require clarification on certain Biblical conflicts which have arisen due to Nasa’s recent discoveries.
One of the key points being that if it took six days to build the Earth, that means it would have taken 112 billion days to create the planets in the Milky Way alone.
Seeing as there are some 200 Billion galaxies that we know about…well, do the math!
Even the most scrupulous multi-tasker couldn’t squeeze that lot into a mere 14 Billion years, and we haven’t even mentioned stars.
‘And don’t get me started on dark matter!’ said one high ranking cardinal scratching his head at the pre-interview press conference!*
Oprah is said to be thrilled at the prospect of speaking to God on prime-time although the network are bracing themselves for the Papal rider which is said to be notoriously excessive.
‘It’ll be a breeze after Lance Armstrong!’ said her agent. ‘After all, it’s not like God is trying to swing a job at the USADA is it?’
The interview is to take place in two weeks time which gives the Vatican just enough time to think up a strategy should it all go horribly wrong.
*God is expected to point out that planets without life are built much faster!