Government Plan to Reduce Levels of Bad News

Bad and depressing news is on the rise. According to a government Pole (Ivan Eztimate) Last year 78% of news stories were depressing, 12% Dull, 5% moderately interesting and finally 5% mildly arousing. A government think-tank is meeting this week to discuss how to reduce the amountof bad and depressing news. Studies show that some countries, such as New Zealand and Norway regularily have up to 40% or even 50% good news and experts from that country have been invited to join the discussion as to how to reduce the happiness deficit. The target is 30% good and happy news by 2020 but the emissions of cynicism and vitriol, particularly in the North of the country, are making this an unlikely prospect unless things change .

The editor of a prominent red top tabloid had this to say on the matter;

“Good News? There’s no market for it!” He barked, before slamming down the phone.

However, undeterred the government believe there is room for good news in the UK, even if it’s just a niche market. To that end they shall be using the slogan ‘No news is good news’ and closing down every newspaper in the country, subject to a vote in the House of  Commons.